Slenderized – A Dieter’s Journey

Prior to leaving for the airport, I tried on a pair of jeans I’d worn last year in Australia only to discover they would not comfortably move past my hips. My heart hit the pit of my stomach like a pebble falling into a cold metal sink. The one thing that kept me from dropping to my knees and drowning in a puddle of my own sorrow was the digital clock glaring at me and constantly reminding me that I only had an hour to finish packing.

As the plane touched down on the airstrip in Prague, fleeting memories of my airport adventures from Sydney flitted through my mind; within 10 minutes, I was receiving flirtatious glances and already had a phone number in hand. Prague, however, was a completely different story. Extended glances in my direction were stolen, but I can’t be sure of the motives. In fact, I felt downright un-pretty.

Of course, I am exaggerating slightly because I did receive some advances during my stay, but not as many as I would have appreciated and certainly not from the people I wanted to take notice. And despite receiving these advances, deep down I still felt dismay at how much I’d let myself go since that trip down under.

But, that wasn’t what really changed my perspective on losing weight; I fell into a state of comfort with the advances I was receiving while in Prague and I understood that I was still a beautiful and desirable woman. I walked up and down the streets with a confident stride and a smile on my face. No, that wasn’t it at all. What changed my perspective and helped me find new resolve for my weight loss goals was the plane ride home.

On the plane, I sat next to a larger woman than myself. Upon closer inspection of this woman, I realized that I was not too far off — only a few clothing sizes separated us. Opposite her was a slender young lady. In fact, she reminded me of one of those women you’d see cast in a “real life” MTV drama series (think Laguna Beach).

As this larger woman’s elbows hung over into my seat, pressing against me and forcing my body into an uncomfortable position against my armrest, I thought to ask if she could readjust herself, but I realized it would be impossible. It was her size that caused the problem and the last thing I wanted to do was hurt her feelings. She was not slender enough for her arms to fall to her side and she was only a few millimeters shy of overextending her seat completely. Sure, I had some difficulties with the width of my seat, but I certainly fit comfortably without extending into the next passenger’s seating area.

That’s when it hit me. I was a few dress sizes shy of both of these women. And when faced with the decision of which direction to go in, my heart quickly jumped to Ms. Laguna Beach sitting there gazing out the window. I saw how nearly every man on the plane stopped whatever he was doing when she glided by just to breath in her beauty, if only for a moment, and I wanted to be that woman again. I was once and I knew I could be again.

Now that I’m back home and falling back into my comfort zone, thankfully, that feeling of resolve has not left me. I still feel empowered and a deep desire to change my direction while I still can and I have that picture in my head to help me. I’ve reminded myself that it took me years to get where I am and it will take time to get where I want to be. So, on that note, I plan to take it one day at a time beginning with today.

Filed under: Personal Ramblings